I am sharing a personal story in the hopes it will help you if you are going through a similar thing at the moment.
For some time now a friend of mine has been giving me unsolicited business advice prefacing every conversation with the words: “I want you to be successful,..” immediately followed by ‘‘you should” & “you need to,….”
After each conversation, I started noticing how my energy shifted. I was no longer in a happy place where I felt good about myself and the direction my business was going. Instead I felt fear and doubt creeping in and started to second guess my decisions.
The last time we spoke, I literally felt an adrenaline bomb going off in my solar plexus. I was about to make a huge financial investment in my business that for sure was going to be a game changer for me.
Now I was second guessing it. Fear and doubt took over, I could no longer think straight. Something that I had previously been so aligned with, now seemed scary and better left undone and alone. The thought of “I could always do it another time” started to fester in my mind.
I literally broke out in tears and called my first ever coach, who is now a dear friend of mine to have a reality check and see if I was losing it. She immediately lasered in and set me straight.
You are being bullied!
Set a clear boundary and do it NOW!
It was like a light switch went off in my head. I finally got it. I needed to protect my energy around this person and at the same time take a clear and decisive stand for myself to stop it once and for all. Now here is how you do this. Look them firmly in the eye, speak with authority and say:
STOP, I am not having this conversation.
If it continues, I am out of here.
Then follow it up with decisive action. Walk away and create physical space between you and the person. If you are on the phone amend the last sentence to “If it continues I am hanging up.”Another way to set a clear boundary is to say:
STOP, this is not up for discussion.
NOT NOW, NOT EVER!
Do not use too many words and do not engage in a dialog. Instead let your words be short and concise and then take decisive action to physically remove yourself from the space you are sharing.
If that person does not respect the boundary you are setting, it is time to evaluate if you want to continue to have them in your life. When one door closes, another one opens up.
My mentor used to say to me “Go where you are wanted, not where you are needed”, meaning surround yourself with people who support the vision you have for your business and for your life, peers and friends who empower you, who stand by your side when the going gets tough and celebrate with you when things get really good.
If something does not feel good continuously, it might be time to part ways. The decision is entirely yours. This is how you take your power back.
Much love,
Simona
P.S: In case you were wondering, I did move forward with my decision to invest in my business because in my heart I know it is the right thing to do.